the sitch

Here is my current situation. I just graduated (early) from the University of Michigan with a degree in English Language and Literature and a minor in Global Media Studies. I got into the film department late in the game--my last few semesters--and never got a chance to take any screenwriting classes, which is what I'd really love to do with my life. I feel like I did it wrong and didn't look ahead enough and now I ran out of time and don't know what to do. My mom keeps pushing me to go and meet with some professors, and I keep balking, but I'm not entirely sure why. Maybe because I've never written a screenplay before? I haven't written for myself in a long time? I feel like without that experience or at least evidence of my trying my hand at something, they'll laugh in my face and say that I should just stick to whatever it is I'm doing right now. Which, coincidentally, is up in the air. What do I do? How do I do it? How can I get into the film niche in Ann Arbor, at least? If I can't make myself write right now, how the hell am I going to do it for a living someday? What if I'm not any good? What if I don't make it? I know this is something I have to figure out for myself, but it's hard not to think about the people in my life and how I want them to stay with me and how much I like the way my life is right now. I like the people in my life, I like the surroundings, but I don't like what I'm doing. I mean, I like working at the co-op, I just don't want to do it for the rest of my life. I can't pull myself together enough to utilize the time outside the job because it's such a strange, shifting schedule that I can't make my body fit it. If that makes any sense. I know I can't have it all figured out, but there's a big leap between knowing something and understanding it, and it is one I haven't quite made yet.