[Dedicated to my lovely Kristen Marie, who passed Wednesday night. This is my description of the realization gathered from facebook posts and no real news. Thoughts also spring from this article, an interesting read on mourning in the techno age. I miss you already, darling.]
I cannot find the words for this sorrow.
Big, unabashed tears in public
a vague sense of darkness choking me with its
complete lack of information.
The world of grief is very different now,
it is extensive, rarely face-to-face and without any small words
to brace you for impact.
There is just the first glimpse
the quick stab to the gut
the searching for more things you do not want to be true.
And so you reach out.
Electric tendrils reach across time and space
to bring back what once was.
Feelings, friends, high school in-jokes,
they rush back, tinged with guilt and sadness.
The maybes and regrets cloud my head
as I obsessively refresh
and I cry more tears than I can make,
capsizing me again every time I have to repeat it
to a new, yet-unbroken heart.
I wish you peace, my darling Chrysalis.
Wherever you are is brighter now you're there.
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