I picked this book up on a whim from the Little Free Library I found recently near my new house. Originally I had been reading On The Verge, a book about a twenty-something writer (like me) set in 2002-era NYC where meeting a guy at a bar meant he gave you his pager number too, and while I found it interesting, it was not wholly arresting. Alternatively, when I began The Rosie Project, I read the first few pages with a bit of skepticism, unsure if I could get behind Don's tone or his character. But somehow, the pages kept turning, like my hands didn't listen to my mind's uncertainty. The Rosie Project indeed captured me, and I decided to see where it took me.
Don Tillman is a genetics professor who has a "number of unconventional mannerisms" to his name, including a recently-begun endeavor called The Wife Project, in which he creates a comprehensive questionnaire for potential partners to fill out in order to determine overall suitability. With the help of his Don Juan supervisor, Gene, who is attempting to sleep with a woman from every country (don't worry, he's in an open marriage), Don hones his questionnaire until the arrival of Rosie. Rosie was sent to Don by Gene under the pretense of being a WP applicant, but she is everything that the WP not: dyed hair, messy clothes, and a smoker, to name a few. But somehow they're drawn together and Don begins to learn things about himself and his worldview that never before occurred to him. One of the things I was unsure of when I began this book is the fact of Don as narrator and the Wife Project as plot. I feel my uncertainty was merited, but that Rosie mitigated every misgiving by her sheer character. Hell, I think I fell in love with her by the end. (Spoiler alert: he falls in love with her at the end).
There were a number of discussion questions in the back of the book, one in particular that I ruminated on during my read, which I'd like to touch on here. I love when books have reading questions nestled away in the back, it makes me feel like I'm back in my favorite classes in college once again, where we just talked about books every day and everyone had something insightful or revelatory to say. I especially enjoy discussion questions that hit upon feelings I had during my own reading of the text, as with the following question:
13) Do you feel happy for Don when he eliminates a "number of unconventional mannerisms" in order to win Rosie, or has he lost something?Toward the end, after Rosie denies his advances, Don goes about redefining his life, changing some of the core ideologies and patterns that make him who he is. The Reform Don Project, he calls it. It could be called adaptive, that he is attempting to "better himself" for the sake of the relationship, but it worried me that it did not seem to be predicated on any sort of "I want to change these things for me," but instead "I want to change these things about myself because I know these things are how Rosie likes things to be done." It is a very fine line, but one that I think is highly important for any relationship to be successful. It is also an interesting corollary to the idea of the Wife Project in general: Don has a very rigid list of attributes, and he views it as the most logical method to find the most appropriate partner, and he does not allow himself to deviate at the inception of the project. After a number of trials, Gene helps Don realize that compromise can be appropriate, and he relaxes his guidelines a fraction. I think it would be safe to say that The Rosie Project is about Don learning about relationships and ultimately that compromise is the best way to care for the people that you love. I should note that (SPOILERS!) Rosie at first rejects Don's redefinition, shattering his worldview, but he returns with a new sense of purpose and realization and regales her (and Gene and Claudia and the entirety of the University Club) with the following speech:
"I haven't changed my mind. That's the point! I want to spend my life with you even though it's totally irrational. And you have short earlobes. Socially and genetically there's no reason for me to be attracted to you. The only logical conclusion is that I must be in love with you." (p283)Don realizes that there are things that Rosie loves about him and things that are serving no purpose for the furthering of his social relationships, and he decides to make choices and sacrifices and learn to adapt to this new convention of sharing everything with one person. I have been learning the same skills in my own life, and I don't think I've ever been happier. I think it is a beautiful ending to the story, and a message every human could stand to pay attention to.
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