First of all, let me just say how glad I am that this is a category, and in addition how glad I was that I had options for my choice. I read a few queer-adjacent texts in my youth, but nothing that really spoke to me and prodded at the little place inside me that would fire up later. I ended up choosing Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe on a close friend's recommendation; I had originally thought of choosing a lesbian or bisexual girl's story, as that is more my narrative, and I might've been able to see how I would've reacted reading it when I was YA myself, but I ultimately decided to move outside of my narrative and read about two high school boys who fall in love.
Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe is about Ari (short for Aristotle) and Dante and the summer they meet. They are, in most every respect, total opposites, but somehow they forge a bond between them. The story is entirely from Ari's perspective and follows his life both with and without Dante, once Dante moves to Chicago for 9 months. It was a nice read, primarily internal monologue that I didn't hate from a 16 year old boy. During one of their early hangs out in the desert, Dante brings his telescope and they look at the stars, and Dante whispers, "Someday, I'm going to discover all of the secrets of the universe." The title phrase becomes a refrain in Ari's mind throughout their relationship, an idea he returns to again and again throughout his recovery and maturation. I think the most bold-strokes answer to the secrets of the universe is unequivocal love, and I am so glad that the author, Benjamin Alire Sáenz, was able to stop being afraid and share it.
There wasn't one big brilliant revelatory "I AM GAY" moment, just a collection of feelings. In fact, it is Ari's parents who gently assert that he has fallen in love with Dante at the end of the book; it is their words, not his own, that prompt him to go find his best friend and kiss him (again). This fits well with my own experience. I had always quietly considered myself a little bisexual, but I was in a committed heterosexual relationship for 5 years with a man, when a woman transferred to my derby league with whom I formed a very deep connection. We were both in relationships (hers with a woman) and I didn't think I was exactly gay, but as time moved on we both came to realize that we couldn't just be friends; there was something more. A whole lot of messiness and heartbreak came after that, things that I hope did not follow for Ari and Dante, but I found my way through and am now in a committed and loving relationship with the woman of my dreams. There was no single flashbulb moment for me when I realized I was in love WITH A WOMAN; it just sort of happened. I am glad that there exists now queer literature by queer-identifying people that can tell that story. I hope to add to that story in my own way, some day soon.
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